I am not nearly so wise

Why do we resist change so much? Or rather, why do I?

You may be perfectly accepting of any change that comes your way, for all I know. But judging by the uproar generated every time facebook tweaks its format, sometimes even the smallest changes can really throw us.

I am finding right now, in this season of my life, that I am actually surviving things I was certain would be the end of me. Maybe surviving isn’t strong enough a word. It feels more like the beginnings of thriving, really. And to think, I spent so much energy screaming and struggling against the way things were developing when my world began to shift, at my loss of control (as if I ever truly had any to begin with.)

It is one thing to say you have faith, but quite another to quell the tide of panic in the middle of a hurricane. While I am embarrassed that I didn’t have more faith, that I turned out to be something of a whiner when things got really uncomfortable, I am so thankful to have come through this shapingTo be coming through it, I should say. It doesn’t feel completed yet, by any means, and I do know I still have so much more room to grow.

Though the panic attacks are no more, I still sometimes wrestle for control of things that were never meant for me to direct. The beauty of trusting the One who does orchestrate the whole of it is so simple a thing. Not always easy, by any stretch, but amazingly simple.

 

The
caterpillar
cooperates with its
chrysalis according
to the Greater Order
of the universe,
accepting its sentence of
seclusion without struggle
or complaint. It does not
rage against constraint nor
kick and claw at every
change in the season
of its growth. It
harbors no
illusion of
control.
I
am not
nearly
so
wise
.

~jws

 

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12 Responses to I am not nearly so wise

  1. Taylor says:

    So happy (and proud of you!) change has brought great things!

    Wonderful poem!

  2. That is a beautiful post.

  3. Erin says:

    I don’t think you are the only one. The song “Hold Me Jesus” says “I’d rather fight you for something I don’t really want than to take what you give that I need.” We fight because we don’t want to give up the control!

    • Jonnia says:

      Because we know WE can handle things so much better, right? (rolls eyes)
      That line from the song really hits home for me.

  4. Jackie Davidson says:

    Love the concept and truth of your thoughts!

  5. Jackie Davidson says:

    Wise and well done!

    • Jonnia says:

      Thank you, JD. I have been blessed by a few terrific teachers along the way, of which you are one, who led me to ask the difficult questions of myself. That is one of the most valuable tools any of us can have. I really appreciate your leaving a word for me!

  6. Frieda Dixon says:

    Loved the pictorial and verbal catepillar poem.

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